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The Mortality Cuddle

Couple weeks ago, Daddy adds “cuddle for two minutes” to the end of the bedtime routine.  Those two minutes follow books and/or videos  and/or “lay down two minutes.”  Cuddle for two differs from lay down for two in that no one is supposed to talk. So, of course, that just leaves Cory and Fisher to set the agenda…

F: Daddy is 44, so he is going to be an angel before us, Cory.
C: Daddy, are you going to be an angel before us?
D silent.
F (hugging Daddy from one side): Yes, Daddy is 44, Cory.  So, he is going to be an angel first.
C: That means Daddy is going to die to be an angel.
D (unable to let it go): Yes, Daddy is going to be an angel someday, fingers crossed, and you know what Daddy is going to do then?
F/C: What?
D (tickling their backs at the same time): The same thing he’s doing now!
F/C laugh and move on.

Next night…cuddle two minutes…no talking…just cuddling…
C: Daddy, I am getting big, so it is getting harder for you to pick up me.
D silent.
F: I am getting bigger, too.
C: When I am 44, Daddy, you can’t pick me up, right?
F: Daddy, when I am 44, can you try to pick me up, please?
Daddy thinks “at 84, I will more likely be asking you to pick me up if I’m asking anything at all” but stays silent.
C: Fisher, Daddy can’t pick us up then. We are too big, then.
F (sounding distraught): Cory’s just being silly, right, Daddy?
D (finally): I’ll always try, if I can, Fisher.  I’ll at least try.

Next night…cuddle two minutes…no talking…just cuddling…
F: Cory, I love you more than you love me than affinity.
C: Fisher, I love you more than you love me to infinity, too.

Pause.

C: Fisher, are we going to miss each other when we are angels?
F: No. No, Cory.
C: Daddy, we are going to miss each other when we are angels, right?

D a little sad and silent.

C: Daddy, when we are angels, we are going to be dead, right?
F: What you say, Cory?
D: Everyone dies someday, Cory, but we don’t need to think about that right now, while we’re cuddling two minutes, do we?
C: But, that’s when you get to cancel and die, right?
F: Daddy, I don’t want to be an angel.
C: But, you have to get to cancel and die and become an angel, right, Daddy?
D: It’s called cancer, Cory.  Not everyone who gets cancers dies right away, so there’s that.
C: Oh.
D: And, fingers crossed, dying is a long day away for all of us, so there’s that, too.
F: I don’t want to be an angel. I want to stay here with you.

Daddy hugs both tight.

Hey, mortality, could you back off. This is rough. We’re just trying to cuddle for two minutes here.

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