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The Annual Kansas City Brahg

From the other room, Daddy listens to the twins discuss the Kansas City white elephant gift exchange.

F (having never tasted coffee): But, you got that Starbucks coffee. I like that coffee.
C: No, Fisher, remember? Papa stealed that from me.
Daddy resists urge to yell out, “Stole!”
F: Oh, you are right, Cory! What did you get then, Cory?
C: I got those bugs. For your fingers.
F: Insect fingers!
C: They are fun because you can put them on your fingers.
F (incredulous, still never having tasted coffee): They are? That’s good. I wish I would have gotten that Starbucks coffee. (Pause.) I just got that hat and glasses and…stuff. (Pause, halting tone.) That was funny, right?
C: Yes, Fisher, that was funny. Everyone laughed when you put them on.
F: All of the er, eh, uh adults laughed, right, so that was a very funny gift, right, Cory?
F (laughing): Um, Cory, do you know what was the joke?
C: Um, no, but we can ask Daddy, okay?
C: Right. It was a joke. So, people laughed.
F: It wasn’t as funny as that brahg, though, right, Cory?

One gag gift was a camouflage bra, on clearance, in a healthy size, that a (male) cousin opened and modeled. It was a play on a real gift from the prior year, a Victoria Secret dusty rose “brahg” (as they call it), pricey (and similarly sized).

C: Yah, that brahg was so funny!
F: There is a brahg every year in Kansas City, I think.
C: And that boy holding it was so funny because he doesn’t even have chi-chis. He has a brahg, but he doesn’t have chi-chis.
F (laughing): That’s so funny!

Long pause.

F (again, never having tasted coffee and likely to gag if he did): I wish I would have gotten that Starbucks coffee. I like that coffee.

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