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Robot Elf

Things that happen before 8 a.m….

Wonder how much longer the office chair will hold, as two children and a puppy heavier than either of them try to climb onto Daddy’s lap first thing;

Ignore children’s crazy laughter in the living room from the first sip of a cup of coffee to the last drop;

Emerge to find every pillow and blanket and couch cushion in the house on one side of a coffee table, off of which they are launching from a yoga ball;

Resolve to start working out again, as lifting either child, but especially Fisher, over the head during mandatory suspension of lunch making to dance to “Underneath the Tree” has become hernia threatening;

Stop Cinder, competing for attention with two nut bag imps, amped up way beyond normal by the last day of school before winter break, from eating a bottle of lotion in the back bedroom;

Confirm in email that today IS in fact pajama day and locate holiday-themed getups for those imps as they spontaneously choreograph an impressively head-banging, arm-throwing dance to “I Kissed a Girl”, Glee version;

Catch the imps out in the front yard, when they are supposed to be brushing their teeth, playing a game that has Santa (aka Cory) using the TiVo remote to force Robot Elf (aka Fisher) to pick up and reset several dropped ornaments;

Watch with a smile as they grab their backpacks and race off to catch the neighbor, already at the end of the street, who will take them the rest of the way to school (“Bye, Daddy!” “Bye, Daddy! Love you!”);

And, enjoy another cup of coffee in a completely destroyed, comparatively quiet house.