Navigate / search

Kicking Black Widow When He’s Down

The Wonder Twins surprise Black Widow this morning.

D (moving his head over Cory’s shoulder during morning cuddle): Did you hit backhands and forehands?
C (pushing away to face Daddy): No, only forehands.
D (moving his head back over her shoulder): You didn’t hit any backhands?
C: (pushing back to face-to-face): No, we didn’t hit any backhands last night.
D (moving to put his head back over her shoulder): I don’t believe…
C: Daddy, that’s too tight! I’m trying to tell you.
D: But, Cory, your morning breath could wilt flowers.


C (grin forming in fake offense): Well, your breath smells like coffee, so…
D (laughing): Exactly. So, it’s better if we are a little bit careful about where we breathe.
C (trying to breathe in Daddy’s face): But, my breath doesn’t smell, see?
D (pinching her): Yes, it does! Everyone’s breath smells in the morning, and so does yours!
F (breathing heavily): Does my breath smell, Daddy?
D (exaggerating a few coughs and tickling both): Of course it does, Fisher. Yours could brown grass!

They laugh. A half hour later, the twins have retreated to the office and spun (Wonder Woman style) into their Wonder Twin costumes. Daddy — aka Black Widow — has one sticky web (black blanket) per shoulder. The duel commences. They can only overcome Black Widow when they hold hands, which, of course, amplifies their twin powers. Black Widow’s weapons include sticky webs, grabby fingers, and tickling teeth. The twins have their bracelets for defense and bedroom pillows for offense, and of course the power of twins…until they introduce a new weapon to kick Black Widow while he’s down…

C: Fisher! Fisher! Grab my hand! It’s here! Grab it!
F: Okay! (Pause. They turn toward Black Widow, reeling on the ground, Cory throws her arm out like she’s casting a spell, and Fisher points his finger like he’s shooting a gun.) We shoot you with our bad breath gun!
D: Oh, no! (Pause.) Wait, what did you say?
F: Keep shooting, Cory! We shoot you with our Bad Breath Gun!
D (moving from laughter to real coughing, since Daddy has a real cough anyway): No! Not the Bad Breath Gun! Yuck! I can’t breathe! (Amid continued coughing.) And multiplied by twin powers! Ew!
F (finger still deployed, intense face maintained): You can’t breathe from our Bad Breath Gun, you nasty spider!
C: He can’t breathe, Fisher! Let’s run.
F: Okay!

They run to safety. Black Widow retreats, nursing wounds and mulling new defenses for tomorrow morning…