On the morning of Father’s Day, Papa misses and rebooks a flight to Boston. Then, Cory (after too little sleep) cries incessantly, “I want Papa.” Fisher (after too little sleep) joins her in tears, announcing through quivering lips, “But, Jane and Michael will never see Mary Poppins again!” Neither will leave the pool at swimming lessons, prompting a public display of “stern Daddy.” Ice cream at lunch goes fine until Cory ends up with s-pants (oops) at an outdoor shopping mall and Fisher states in car on the way (quickly) home…
F (matter-of-factly): Daddy, my butt itches.
D: Okay, Fisher.
F: It itches really badly.
D: Why, Fisher, do you know?
D: Did you wipe when you went potty at the mall?
F: What’s a mall?
D (teeth gritting): Just now, Fisher. At Town & Country?
F (quietly): No, Daddy, I forgot this time.
D (deep breaths): Fisher, you can’t forget. You have to wipe every single time.
C: Daddy, my butt itches, too. I’m sitting in…
D (cutting her off): I know, Cory, I know. We’re almost home. (Switching radio station to find Bruno Mars, of course.) Look guys, it’s Bruno Mars. “My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways…”
Bruno Mars an ineffective wipe-n-dipe, Daddy watches two very grumpy faces in the rear view mirror, one staring down, the other out the window.
There was nothing for it but to bust the slip-n-slide back out in the afternoon.