The holiday brings out Fisher Bug, the Cannibal Witch-Bird Warrior.
On Easter morning, Papa places colored hard-boiled eggs throughout the back yard. Given a definite lack of foliage, the kids can see the eggs “hidden” out there from the house. At some point later in the morning, Fisher notices the cannibal’s handiwork…
F (alarmed): Daddy, look! Look, Daddy!
D (coming into the room): What?
F (continued excitement): That bird is eating the eggs!
C (pointing to a big, black crow in the back yard): He’s eating the eggs, Daddy!
D: That’s odd, guys. Birds don’t normally eat other birds eggs.
F: What you say, Daddy?
D: The eggs Papa put out are chicken’s eggs, and chickens are birds, right? Well, other birds, like that crow, don’t normally eat other birds’…(gasp)…
F: Zagrimor! That bird is Zagrimor, Daddy! Where is my wand? I am going to go clap him with my wand!
C: Me, too!
Daddy, amazed that the crows continue to hit their cues, watches as F and C tear out into the back yard, waving wands and yelling “Zagri-less!” and “Zagri-zero!”
It is Fisher who discovers the Broom Graveyard, on a walk, before school…
F (pointing): Daddy, look!
D: What’s that, Fisher?
F: That looks like a broom that, er, uh, that, uh, er, a witch was riding!
D (stopping the stroller to size it up): Oh, Fisher, you might be right. It looks like the witch’s broom ran out of juice when the witch was flying right overhead here.
C (pointing to several other palm fronds draped in the lower trees around): Look! More brooms!
D: This must be where the witches leave their brooms when they are done, guys. Do you want me to get one for you?
D (surprised): Why not?
C: Because her magic will still be in it, Daddy!
D (wondering where that came from): Oh, good point, Cory, you may be right. Each broom might still remember its witch.
Pushing the stroller further along under the same trees, Daddy sees a palm frond lying on the ground and picks it up, using it to touch C and F lightly on the heads from behind.
C/F (laughing in mock terror): NO, Daddy! NO!
D (continuing to touch them): Oo, oo, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
C (laughing and getting out of stroller to escape): No, Daddy!
F: No, Daddy, STOP! That witch of that broom will remember me!
The spot on our walk route is now known as the Broom Graveyard, haunted, dangerous, and fun…
C: Daddy, is the Easter bunny a rabbit?
D: Yes, of course, you silly goose!
C: But, what does the Easter bunny wear under his costume?
D (ignoring the use of “costume”): How do you know the Easter bunny is a boy?
C: I saw his tide.
D: His tide?
C: His tied thing. Like Fisher has. From the leprechaun. His green tied thing.
D: You mean Fisher’s green bow tie?
C: His sparkly one, from the leprechaun. I saw the Easter bunny’s bow tie, under his costume.
D: No, Cory, the Easter bunny’s tie was yellow, and he was wearing it around his neck.
C: But, Daddy, I saw his skin.
D: Well, everyone has skin, right?
C: But, I saw his skin under his costume.
D (again with the “costume”): Well, even the dogs each have skin under their fur, right?
C: But, Daddy, you told him to go to the garage. I saw you.
D: I did?
C (apparently having seen Papa drive over to friend’s house for second star turn): Yes, after he drove your car.
D (thinking “oh, it’s like that”): Well…
C: Bunnies can’t drive, can they Daddy?
D (warning, warning, warning): Well, the Easter bunny apparently can.
Pause…Daddy thinking “jig’s up, here it comes, Santa sounded like Uncle Glenn, Easter Bunny drove a car, steel yourself”…
C: Daddy, what does “parently” mean?
An abstract adverb distracts a child and saves the day…but we may only be able to wring a couple more years of costumed fun out of these two…
Daddy asks the exhausted twins on Sunday night, what the best part about their Easter holiday was…
F: I liked when the Easter bunny brought me shoes and a spinning thing (battery-powered Spiderman hand fan). The new shoes are a little bit big for me, so I am going to sleep so good tonight so I can get bigger so that they can fit me in the morning.
C: My best part was when I found the candy in the egg from the egg hunt. That candy was gum. I didn’t like it when it was a ball, but I chewed it, and it turned to gum! I like gum.