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Listen to Your Body

Daddy and Papa have been trying to encourage Cory and Fisher to “listen to their bodies” by making it through the whole night without going potty in their pull-ups.  Seeming to run against gender norms, Fisher quickly catches on, while Cory struggles to master the bladder.  Nearly every day, Fisher gets up at 6 and announces “I have to go potty” before heading to the toilet and returning to bed for another 30 to 45 minutes.  Cory, on the other hand…

D:  Cory, do you have pee pee in your pull-up?

C shakes her head yes.

D:  Okay, Cory.  Maybe tonight you can listen to your body better while you are sleeping.
C:  But, Daddy, I was sleeping so hard that I didn’t know.
D (removing her pull-up and pulling out a wipe ‘n’ dipe):  That’s okay, just try…
F:  Daddy, I know!  You could just put the wipe ‘n’ dipe in the freezer, and if Cory has pee pee in her pull-up, you could just, er, uh, use a polar wipe ‘n’ dipe.
C (smiling behind her hand):  No, Daddy!
D:  Fisher!  You have such good ideas.  Maybe we should try that, Cory?  (Waving the wipe ‘n’dipe.)  Instead of a warm wipe ‘n’ dipe, we could use a super polar cold one every morning.

Fisher laughs.  Cory giggles and pulls away from Daddy as if the current wipe ‘n’ dipe will bring the ice.

D:  I like that, Fisher.  Whoever goes pee pee in their pull-ups, gets an extra special Polar Morning Treatment.
C:  No!
F:  Yes!  Because I don’t go pee pee in my pants anymore, right, Daddy?
C:  No!  That’s going to be so cold!
D:  Well, let’s see what happens tomorrow.  Maybe we need cold wipe ‘n’ dipes…

The rest of the morning passes as usual, breakfast, hair station, teeth station, dance break, feed dogs, make lunch, shoe station.  Later, after kids have been dropped off at school, Daddy goes to garage freezer to take meat out…to find that Fisher has thought ahead, always looking to help a sister out…

Marry You

Miss Julia takes the twins for “Music Adventures” a couple of times a week, during which they dance and sing.  Recently, Miss Julia has been bringing a guitar.

C (after playing…er, strumming a pink ukulele to “What Do I Stand For?”):   Daddy, I am going to play a different song now.
D (washing dishes):  Okay!  Sounds good.
C:  But, I need to fix the key because the new song is in a different key.
D (turning):  Well, that’s professional.
C (turning the cranks with complete seriousness):  Daddy, Miss Julia isn’t here.  Can you check this for me?  How does that sound?
D (hearing her plucks):  I think that sounds good.  Well, of course, I don’t know what song you are going to play, so…
C (as “Marry You” starts playing):  This one, Daddy.
D:  Well, then your “guitar” sounds just right, Cory.

She strums and plays and moves around vaguely.

C:  Daddy?
D:  Yes?
C:  I am going to play my guitar like Miss Julia, but I am going to sing like Bruno Mars.

Daddy smiles as she resumes with random strumming, body wiggling, and mouth moving, occasionally saying “marry you,” usually a couple of beats too late…

Tiger by His Toe

Facing increasingly aggressive cross-babble from the back seat on the way home from pre-school…

D:  Guys, guys, I can’t understand either of you.
C:  But, Daddy, I was talking…
F:  No, no, I was still…
C:  …first and Fisher just…
F:  …telling my story, but…
C:  No, Fisher, no!  Daddy decides whose turn it is.
F:  No, Daddy is driving.  He can’t decide right now, right, Daddy?
C:  No, Daddy is in charge.
F:  No, I told you!  I will do the er, uh, song to decide.

Pause.

F (sing song voice):  Eenie, meenie, miney, mo, catch a tiger by his toe, Cory is done talking, it’s Fisher’s turn.

Didn’t quite right the ship.

Wicked Witch of the West

Being fascinated with witches, the kids ask to see a movie with one in it.  Daddy downloads “Bedknobs and Broomsticks.”

C (after Eglantine Price falls off her first broomstick):  Daddy?
D:  Yes?
C:  Is she a bad witch?
D:  No, she’s a nice witch.
C (after a pause):  Are there going to be bad witches in this video?
D (thinking she needs reassurance):  No, Cory. I don’t think there are bad witches in this movie.

C (after they travel for the first time by bed):  Daddy, where is the bad witch?
D (puzzled):  I don’t think there is a bad witch in this movie.

C (after they land in the lagoon at the Isle of Nabumbu):  Daddy, I want to see a bad witch.
D (oh):  Just wait, Cory, there might be a bad witch.  I don’t really remember.

C (after substitutiary locomotion saves the Isle of Britain):  But, Daddy, I want to see a bad witch.
D:  Sorry, Cory, but there aren’t any bad witches in this one.
C:  I want to see a bad witch, Daddy.
D (exasperated):  Cory, you know you are headed in a bad direction when you hear yourself say what too much?  What are you saying too much?
C:  “I want.”  Pause.  But, I want to see a bad witch.

All right.  Not that Daddy has that much experience with this, outside of friendship, of course, but sometimes you apparently gotta give a girl what she wants.  Daddy downloads “The Wizard of Oz.”  It’s time.

C (after Mrs. Gulch):  Daddy, I want to see a bad witch.
D:  Hang on.
C (after “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”):  But, Daddy…
D:  Hang on.
C (after traveling snake oil salesman):  You said…

Cyclone, house, munchkins, Glinda by bubble, the Lollipop Guild…

BAM!

Red smoke, black hat, green face, crooked finger, wicked laugh, ruby slippers, curled feet, and “…your little dog, too!”

Cory, now hiding behind Daddy’s back, has no more questions…