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Zagri-Less!

Daddy gives the kids a choice of activities before school:  go on a walk with Daddy and the dogs or take a bath.  The kids, of course, choose the walk because they want to spook the witches in the neighborhood (which have taken the form of crows).  They used to “clap” the crows to scare them away, but after all of Daddy’s yarn-spinning, they grab their wands before heading out to the stroller…

C: Daddy, look!  Is that Zagrimor?
D (sizing up the crow): No, that’s not big enough to be Zagrimor.  Zagrimor is a big, big, big blackbird, Cory!
F: When we see Zagrimor, can you tell us what the spell is to clap him with our wand?
C: We can spell him because it is daytime right now, right, Daddy?
D (thinking): Yes, guys, you can shoo him better during the day.  Don’t confront Zagrimor at night, though.  That’s not a good idea.
F: But what is the spell? Do you know?
D (having got it): Well, that one’s easy, guys.  You just point your wand and say, “Zagriless!” We don’t want more of Zagrimor. We want less, right? So, “zagriless” is the spell.

The kids point their wands at every crow along the walk:  zagriless, zagriless, zagriless!

C (turning to Daddy): What happens when you say, “Zagrizero!” Daddy?
D: That works just as well.

No one walking out to their cars to head to work appreciated that the twins — running after birds at 8 a.m. yelling, Zagriless! Zagrizero! Zagriless! — were on neighborhood (witch)watch.  Only Daddy thanked them for their service.

Voices of Those Children

Two quotes from yesterday, one from a judge on the legal front lines and one from a twin on the real front lines…

JUSTICE KENNEDY:  We have five years of information to weigh against 2,000 years of history or more.  On the other hand, there is an immediate legal injury or legal — what could be a legal injury, and that’s the voice of these children.  There are some 40,000 children in California, according to the Red Brief, that live with same-sex parents, and they want their parents to have full recognition and full status.  The voice of those children is important in this case, don’t you think?

Fisher’s voice, after school following a morning of simplified civics lessons on the law and people like Daddy and Papa…

F (arriving home from school): Daddy!

Daddy chases a crying Cory.

F (following):  Daddy!

Daddy consoles Cory after some forgettable hiccup.

F (excited):  Daddy!
D:  Yes, Fisher?
F (urgent even):  Daddy, did Obama let you have your party today!?
D:  What, Fisher?
F:  Daddy, but I asked you! Did Obama let you have your party today!
D (smiling):  Not yet, Fisher. The Court just heard arguments today.  They’ll decide in June.
F:  In June?  Is today June?
D:  No, June is a few months away.
F:  After this day, is it June?
D:  In a few months it’ll be June.
F:  That is taking a long day.

If Justice Kennedy had spent yesterday hanging out with Fisher and Cory instead of sitting on bench, this thing might be in the history books already.

Daddy, Papa, and Mary

After a morning of civics lessons devolving into mush, Daddy asks Cory and Fisher to summarize what they learned about today…

D:  So, why is today a special day, guys?
C:  Iffin you want to be good, you should say yes to let Daddy and Papa get Mary.  Mary is a nice girl.  (Smiling, well aware she’s being an imp.)  “No” is not a nice thing to say to her.  And iffin you say yes, she will come to our party for Daddy and Papa and dance and eat some cake.
D:  Fisher?
F:  Mitt Rom-en-ey says no to Daddy and Papa to get married. Those are not nice words to say. Er, uh, Daddy, who telled Mitt Rom-en-ey to go home?
D:  The voters told him.
F:  The boaters told Mitt Rom-en-ey to go home.  So, we can have a party with a big cake like in that book with the queen and the two princes, uh, er, and that big cake has cupcakes on it, right, Daddy?
D:  Exactly, Fisher.

Dawdle and Recover

Weekends definitely break the kids’ pattern. Birthday parties, visitors, later mornings and nights, too much sugar all replace the weekday routine of breakfast-school-dinner-bedtime-sleep. Papa handles every other morning, and Daddy occasionally has the luxury to allow a little dawdle-and-recover time on Mondays.

Last week, they got an inch and took a mile, transferring most of their own bedding onto Kohl’s new dog bed…

D: Come on, guys, it’s time to get ready for school.
F (rolling over): No, Daddy. Mommy says it’s reading time now.
D (glancing at C): And who is Mommy?
C (authoritative voice): I am. Now, Daddy, I am reading this book to Fisher, so it’s not time to go to school yet, okay? But, you can just sit down and listen.
F (babyish voice): Yah, Daddy, you can listen, too. Mommy is reading me that book.
C (turning a page): “See what I can do? I can put my spots on you.” He can put his spots on you iffin he wants to, Fisher.

Pause.

C: Daddy, sit down please. I don’t like you standing there, okay? You have to pay attention so everyone can hear, okay?

Daddy sits on the bed, hiding a smile.

C (returning to the book in exaggerated fashion): So, “See what I can do? I can make my spots…”
D (interrupting): Can I take a picture of you two?
C: Yes, but just once because this is reading time, Daddy. Now, “I can make my spots…”

Daddy Losing It

Around this past Halloween, Daddy dries off after a shower when he notices Cory staring…

C: Only girls have chi-chi’s, right, Daddy?
D: Yes, only girls have breasts. That’s right.

Pause.

C: Then, why you have those? D: Have what?
C (pointing to Daddy’s chest): Those.
D (laughing…sort of): That’s just Daddy’s chest. Those aren’t chi-chi’s.

C stares at Daddy, mischievous eyes smiling and saying, “Oh, yes, they are,” and Daddy loses twenty pounds by New Year’s…